Let me first start with Jaysha's comment, It is a very good question
that "Why should one Marry?"
What do you think Jaysha,?
I sometimes wonder, is there a need to marry?
Why do relationships go bad?
Two people with all there good intentions and effort start a
relationship with the belief that they will live 'happily ever after'.
Slowly after sometime once the newness has worn off the relationship
starts breaking down, Why?
Is it because the people involved are insincere? Or are humans not
capable of long lasting relationships? Or is it something else?
What do you think?
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Relationships: continued
(This is in reponse to the comment on my previous post by a friend)
"So if people are in love there is no relationship?"
What is love? Is it when two people want to spend each and every moment in each others company? Or is it when one wants to share everything in ones life with the partner? Or is it when all your thaughts, dreams and actions are focussed on one person??
To me love is a bit different from all the above, all the above mentioned states are various forms of dependencies only.
Love to me is a state of being between two people when both people can be as they are, there is no put on, no acts, no special consideration, infact it is a state when you are you from the very core of your being and so is your partner and this core which you usually hide from everyone is spontaneously shown to your partner, this is mutual.
Such a state has no insecurities(dependencies).
"Human relations work because of dependency."
You are right thats what we see around us all human relations are working on the basis of dependencies.
And they seem to be working, but the problem is these relations don't last. Infact even while they are going on either of the two partners has some issue troubling them which they keep pushing back so as to make the relation work(comprmise?).
My point is do these "working relations" provide a mutually fullfilling experience, where there is no exploitation of the either participant, where there is no compromises and all acts are voluntary, spontaneous and totally in synch with your being?
So the question is do humans as such want lasting & mutually fullfilling relationships?
To me the answer is a big yes, we all crave for such relationships all the time.
Anushree's response on the same comment
Anonymous, The moment you use the word 'excessive', it means a range of some kind ... whether little or more doesn't really matter. A dependency is ultimately a dependency.
Yes, another thing that matters in relationships is the 'comfort' factor.
And, all relationships are based on 'give and take'. We give something, tangible or intangible, and similarly, we receive something ... again, tangible or intangible. We can only give something when we have it in our kitty; we can't borrow it from anyone. The 'balancing act' happens. And, whenever it doesn't happen or we're unable to 'see' (understand) it, the relationship falls apart.
We always crave for 'lasting relationships' ... Such is human nature, I suppose. It's only when we are able to stand on our own two feet and do not 'lean' .. we can achieve a relationship of equality. I think only relationships based on equality last.
Well, we're all evolving individuals ... change is the very basis of existence.
Just a few of my thoughts/beliefs ... we can always agree to dis-agree, but keep the dialogue going ...
--Posted by anushree to Insights: My worldview at 7/8/2004 02:54:32 PM
"So if people are in love there is no relationship?"
What is love? Is it when two people want to spend each and every moment in each others company? Or is it when one wants to share everything in ones life with the partner? Or is it when all your thaughts, dreams and actions are focussed on one person??
To me love is a bit different from all the above, all the above mentioned states are various forms of dependencies only.
Love to me is a state of being between two people when both people can be as they are, there is no put on, no acts, no special consideration, infact it is a state when you are you from the very core of your being and so is your partner and this core which you usually hide from everyone is spontaneously shown to your partner, this is mutual.
Such a state has no insecurities(dependencies).
"Human relations work because of dependency."
You are right thats what we see around us all human relations are working on the basis of dependencies.
And they seem to be working, but the problem is these relations don't last. Infact even while they are going on either of the two partners has some issue troubling them which they keep pushing back so as to make the relation work(comprmise?).
My point is do these "working relations" provide a mutually fullfilling experience, where there is no exploitation of the either participant, where there is no compromises and all acts are voluntary, spontaneous and totally in synch with your being?
So the question is do humans as such want lasting & mutually fullfilling relationships?
To me the answer is a big yes, we all crave for such relationships all the time.
Anushree's response on the same comment
Anonymous, The moment you use the word 'excessive', it means a range of some kind ... whether little or more doesn't really matter. A dependency is ultimately a dependency.
Yes, another thing that matters in relationships is the 'comfort' factor.
And, all relationships are based on 'give and take'. We give something, tangible or intangible, and similarly, we receive something ... again, tangible or intangible. We can only give something when we have it in our kitty; we can't borrow it from anyone. The 'balancing act' happens. And, whenever it doesn't happen or we're unable to 'see' (understand) it, the relationship falls apart.
We always crave for 'lasting relationships' ... Such is human nature, I suppose. It's only when we are able to stand on our own two feet and do not 'lean' .. we can achieve a relationship of equality. I think only relationships based on equality last.
Well, we're all evolving individuals ... change is the very basis of existence.
Just a few of my thoughts/beliefs ... we can always agree to dis-agree, but keep the dialogue going ...
--Posted by anushree to Insights: My worldview at 7/8/2004 02:54:32 PM
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
What are relationships?
Somebody asked me today what according to me was the reason that why some people are successfull in their relationships of choice and whereas others are not.
To me personally all relationships are between equals, where the status is not equal then it is a dependency. their are three types of dependencies financial, emotional and pyschological.
Financial dependency is when one of the partners is dependent on the other for physical survival for example one could be dependent for money, house, other wealth. Examples of this kind are Parent-Child & Husband-Wife(where only one partner controlling the family wealth) relationships
Emotional dependency is when one of the partners is dependent on the partner in such a way that all happiness comes only in the company of of the partner. Examples of such relationships are persons who are infatuated or "in LOVE", Also young child-Parent relationships.
Pyschological dependency is when one partner is dependent on the other for taking decisions in life, no decissions can be taken without the consent/approval of the other partner. Examples are again most husband-wife relationships, obedient child-Parent relationship.
How does one get into such dependencies when one is always aspiring for relationships?
What I have seen is that in most of the cases where the dependencies come about, the initial attraction was based on very non-lasting factors like physical appearances(attraction), Money, Status, similar interests, common activities (like same work place, same club, same bus) etc. Since these factors are ever changing and by their inherent nature insecurity giving, any attempt to bond on basis of these leads to dependencies only.
So where does one go from here?
I personally feel the minimum qualification to even attempt a relationship is financial, emotional and pyschological independence, once one has achieved these three one can attempt at "recognising" a relationship.
What factors to be made basis for establishing a relationships??
In my opinion the only factor that can become a basis of a lasting, non-restraining relationships is a common aim in life, if two "independent" people come together because their individual aims in life match with each other then and only then can a relationship work.
Mind you this different from making a common goal in life, which lot of people attempt, it is not about leaving your individual agenda to adopt a new one so that a bonding can be formed.
The above is how I look at relationships and if you have a different view or feel can add something to it or totally disagree with my view then do write in and let know.
To me personally all relationships are between equals, where the status is not equal then it is a dependency. their are three types of dependencies financial, emotional and pyschological.
Financial dependency is when one of the partners is dependent on the other for physical survival for example one could be dependent for money, house, other wealth. Examples of this kind are Parent-Child & Husband-Wife(where only one partner controlling the family wealth) relationships
Emotional dependency is when one of the partners is dependent on the partner in such a way that all happiness comes only in the company of of the partner. Examples of such relationships are persons who are infatuated or "in LOVE", Also young child-Parent relationships.
Pyschological dependency is when one partner is dependent on the other for taking decisions in life, no decissions can be taken without the consent/approval of the other partner. Examples are again most husband-wife relationships, obedient child-Parent relationship.
How does one get into such dependencies when one is always aspiring for relationships?
What I have seen is that in most of the cases where the dependencies come about, the initial attraction was based on very non-lasting factors like physical appearances(attraction), Money, Status, similar interests, common activities (like same work place, same club, same bus) etc. Since these factors are ever changing and by their inherent nature insecurity giving, any attempt to bond on basis of these leads to dependencies only.
So where does one go from here?
I personally feel the minimum qualification to even attempt a relationship is financial, emotional and pyschological independence, once one has achieved these three one can attempt at "recognising" a relationship.
What factors to be made basis for establishing a relationships??
In my opinion the only factor that can become a basis of a lasting, non-restraining relationships is a common aim in life, if two "independent" people come together because their individual aims in life match with each other then and only then can a relationship work.
Mind you this different from making a common goal in life, which lot of people attempt, it is not about leaving your individual agenda to adopt a new one so that a bonding can be formed.
The above is how I look at relationships and if you have a different view or feel can add something to it or totally disagree with my view then do write in and let know.
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