Somebody asked me today what according to me was the reason that why some people are successfull in their relationships of choice and whereas others are not.
To me personally all relationships are between equals, where the status is not equal then it is a dependency. their are three types of dependencies financial, emotional and pyschological.
Financial dependency is when one of the partners is dependent on the other for physical survival for example one could be dependent for money, house, other wealth. Examples of this kind are Parent-Child & Husband-Wife(where only one partner controlling the family wealth) relationships
Emotional dependency is when one of the partners is dependent on the partner in such a way that all happiness comes only in the company of of the partner. Examples of such relationships are persons who are infatuated or "in LOVE", Also young child-Parent relationships.
Pyschological dependency is when one partner is dependent on the other for taking decisions in life, no decissions can be taken without the consent/approval of the other partner. Examples are again most husband-wife relationships, obedient child-Parent relationship.
How does one get into such dependencies when one is always aspiring for relationships?
What I have seen is that in most of the cases where the dependencies come about, the initial attraction was based on very non-lasting factors like physical appearances(attraction), Money, Status, similar interests, common activities (like same work place, same club, same bus) etc. Since these factors are ever changing and by their inherent nature insecurity giving, any attempt to bond on basis of these leads to dependencies only.
So where does one go from here?
I personally feel the minimum qualification to even attempt a relationship is financial, emotional and pyschological independence, once one has achieved these three one can attempt at "recognising" a relationship.
What factors to be made basis for establishing a relationships??
In my opinion the only factor that can become a basis of a lasting, non-restraining relationships is a common aim in life, if two "independent" people come together because their individual aims in life match with each other then and only then can a relationship work.
Mind you this different from making a common goal in life, which lot of people attempt, it is not about leaving your individual agenda to adopt a new one so that a bonding can be formed.
The above is how I look at relationships and if you have a different view or feel can add something to it or totally disagree with my view then do write in and let know.
1 comment:
So if people are in love there is no relationship? What about 'work relationship', is there no dependency there? I believe no relationship can be free of dependency. Even "if two independent people come together because their individual aims in life match" there is bound to be some dependency. Human relations work because of dependency. Yes, an excessive 'financial', 'emotional' dependancy can unbalance a relationship.
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