Acceptence and Agreement

I have observed that accepting a person is different from agreeing with that person. Acceptance is of the person and agreement/disagreement is of thoughts. A lot of times in relationships when one disagrees with someone then that person often takes this disagreement as non-acceptance (rejection). Leading to a feeling of unease or even sometimes a feeling of hostility.

Also at times if one agrees with something someone is expressing then that is generally taken as acceptance of that person by the person who has been agreed with.

I have discovered that if one is able to maintain a distinction between Acceptance and Agreement and also keeps indicating this difference in relationships then life becomes a lot easier.

Love ??? - Comment Reply

jade said...

what do u mean by.. the expression of love has not got communicated?

Communication between two people is when one person successfully conveys what is being felt to another person, and the other person is able understand what is communicated and acknowledges the communication, but might or might not reciprocate.

In case of non communication their are several scenarios

1. Person wanting to convey(communicator) is not clear (confused/unsure) of what is being felt. Communicator is misinterpreting own feelings (e.g - Confusing sympathy, Caring or trust for Love )
   
2. Communicators behavior (speech and acts) is insufficient to convey what is being felt.
3. The person to at whom the communication is aimed at (Listener) is not interested or distracted at that moment.
4. The listener mis-reads the behavior used for communication by the communicator (e.g. - Caring at times can be interpreted as interfering).
   
5. The Listener is unprepared to accept or respond(either way) to that particular feeling

These are the various scenarios of mis-communication.

New comment on Love??

alright i agree with...lets say around 95% of what is written. Why i didnt get the 5 is something i assume u can realise since the reasons are in the article itself. What i would like to see is what you think of these observations:

I am of the opinion that love is not absolute. Every thought is manifested into an action and in the process the thought can lose its real significance. Love is different for different people and there is no absolute entity in this universe. Everything is relative as einstein said.

The second observation i make is that, the moment 'how love is manifested into actions' becomes constant, love becomes stagnant and fades out. If i was to be crass i would say it becomes boring. In other words, there is no scope for perfection of self. Not that monotony does not have a lesson in itself but it teaches in the negative while change is positive.

Would like to see a reply...;)

- SS

Thanks for your comment.
Interesting observations, since you have desired to know my opinion, I'll share my views with you. I have highlighted the various points you have made which I am going to address.

Before I start, I would like to make one thing clear. I accept your views, and due to that respect your viewpoint, though I do not agree with what you say. I hope you understand the difference in accepting even though one might disagree.

1. Love is not absolute: In my opinion love, trust, respect, care, all these are universal as well as absolute. Thats why any two or more people on this planet can discover any of these feeling between them, irrespective of their background, upbringing, social, financial, physical, psychological, emotional or spiritual status. Secondly, because of this quality of universality and absoluteness, every person on this planet is seeking these realities, which only exist in a relationship. Love has been sought in all times and all places, by humans of all age, sex, creed, caste, colour, race, If it was not absolute then how come the desire for it exists in every human being past or present. We all recognize the absence of love in our lives, and when love happens we recognize that too. If love was relative, then how would two people know that what they are feeling for each other is love. Yes there are times when mistakes feelings like attraction, lust, sympathy, care for love. But the problem is in the wrong identification, not in love itself. To correctly identify love, trust, respect and care one needs to understand them. Correct understanding leads to correct identification of love, trust, respect and care.
   
   
2. Every thought is manifested into an action: Not all thoughts are manifested into actions. What all I think, less than that I speak and even less than that am I able to put into action. This is self evident. You can observe it in yourself and verify it.
   
   
3. in the process the thought can lose its real significance: The definition of a human being according to me is - that who thinks, plans, imagines, visualizes, desires and then tries to act upon these thoughts, plans, imaginations, visualizations, desires and in this whole process seeks happiness. No significance is lost in putting thoughts into action, only one thing happens, either we are happy with the result or we are unhappy.
   
   
4. Love is different for different people and there is no absolute entity in this universe: Both these issues have been addressed in the first point.
   
   
5. love becomes stagnant and fades out and it becomes boring: When someone wrongly identifies love, then frustration, irritation, anger, stagnation, boredom happen. Lot of times when two people are in relationship under the mistaken premise that they are in love, then soon nature takes it course and makes sure that both realize that what they feel is not love. If two people have understood love and identified it on that basis then there is just mutual joy :)
   
   
6. there is no scope for perfection of self: What is perfection in a human? If we look around us everything is working in perfection, the Sun rises everyday, the mango seed grows into a mango tree, the monsoons come every year. Even all the so called natural disasters obey law of nature, don't they? If they do, then there exist laws in nature. Then by this logic there must be some laws that govern humans too in nature. Lets call these Natural Design for humans. IF humans live by this natural design then there is surety of continuous happiness and long lasting & loving relationships, otherwise not. If living by natural design is perfection then it does exist, even in humans.
   
   
7. change is positive: All change in nature is for stability. For example if something falls it becomes more stable, in that particular aspect of falling. This can be seen in everything besides humans. Humans are the only beings in nature who can cause a change for instability, current development model is the best example for it, but one could call it a political view, so lets take another example. In a relationship humans cheat, lie, betray and bring about a change, this change makes the relationship much more unstable, therefore such relationships are bound to break. When humans start living by the natural design then only do they get the ability to make changes that are for stability. Therefore to address your point that all change is positive, well that is so but only in processes/objects/reality besides human beings. In human beings before they are able to understand and identify there Natural Human Design all mind initiated changes are negative, and after identifying natural human design all changes including mind initiated are positive.
   

I hope this helps.

This is just an attempt of sharing my viewpoint, I have no intention of criticizing anyone.

Choice

“Choice, the problem is choice” __ Neo(Matrix Reloaded)

What defines a human being? Or should I ask what is that differentiates humans? Some might say our colour/creed/sex/race/culture/intelligence/physical strength ……. The list is endless. To me the only difference I see in humans is the choices they make. Rest all is the same.

The choices one makes defines what you eventually are. As I love to say “Life is a consequence of choices one makes”.

Really!!? Is that true? Does it make any sense? What do you think?

Let me try and explain my view point.

What is freedom?

Freedom as defined in Wikipedia: refers, in a very general sense, to the state of being free (i.e. unrestricted, unconfined or unfettered). Also, liberation from restraint or from the power of another: independence. In short, freedom is the power to act and the cause which advances this power.

Does that make any sense?

Yes it does if you add the fact the ‘being free’ basically means being “free to choose”. ‘Liberation from restraint’ means no external restraints on your power to choose.

In fact one can define most of the human values on the basis of ‘power of choice’ example:

Care: Your ability to convey a feeling of freedom to your partner by which he/she knows that you facilitate their freedom of choice.

Trust: Your ability to convey a feeling of freedom to your partner by which he/she is assured that their power of choice will be considered equal to your own power of choice and accorded same freedom.

I hope the above examples communicate the importance I give to ‘Power of choice’ in relationships.

Choice determines the kind of person one becomes, the kind of personality one develops, the kind of life one leads and the kind of human being one turns out to be.

A lot of my friends have pointed out that I should include more examples to explain my viewpoints but currently ‘I choose’ to do without examples because I feel that what I am trying to communicate is getting done without examples. See how this choice determines my personality/expression/impression on others.

So if it is all about choice then why is their so much conflict/diversity/mismatch in the way human families/communities/societies have developed?

The reason I can see is the, ‘basis of choice’ one uses. Currently there are only three basis on which we base our choices Likes/Dislikes, Healthy/unhealthy & gain/loss. These three parameters are the only parameters which are consistently used as basis for exercising ones choice.

Examples:
Choosing a friend – do I LIKE him/her or not? (Likes/Dislikes)
Choosing when to marry – Am I Financially comfortable or not(gain/loss)
Choosing what to eat – I need to avoid fat rich foods (healthy/unhealthy)
Choosing what not to eat - This smells of coconut oil, I can’t eat this (Likes/Dislikes)
Choosing where to live – Yes the rent of this apartment is suitable for me (gain/loss)
Choosing a lifestyle – I need to join a Gym (healthy/unhealthy)

Interestingly the choices based upon these three criteria that we use currently, vary vastly from person to person, what I like/dislike you might not like/dislike, what I find healthy/unhealthy you might not find suitable for you, what I consider as gain you might consider as loss for your self.

So what? You may ask.

We as humans have this tendency to find similarities or should I say ‘similar grounds’ for interactions, this is a natural need in us and comes from the fact of us being humans. Now if one is seeking similarity the most obvious thing where on seeks similarity is in ‘Choices’.

I am sure you have noticed this.

This is where the problem lies, since our choices are based on only three criteria (Likes/Dislikes, Healthy/unhealthy & gain/loss), we end up trying to seek similarity in areas where similarity is very much impossible.

Does that mean we have an inherent flaw?

NO not at all.

We do make friends, fall in love, etc don’t we? (though we are not able to sustain these relationships ????)

How does that happen?

Yes the answer lies in there, if one examines the choices one makes inherently when feeling a strong bond with someone and also when one is feeling negative about someone, one can find a clue to the problem.

So what do you think?